Thursday, October 23, 2008

Big D and Insecurity

It happened to me again! I left my house thinking I looked so cute and stylish. I get to Houston's Restaurant to meet my friends (the one on Northwest Hwy and Preston in REAL Dallas), and immediately feel like a frumpy, suburban mom. I might have well had on "Mom Jeans"...seriously! This happened to me several years back when I met them at Highland Park Village. I felt like I was in LA and at any moment I would run into my favorite A List Star!
It is another world down there. Here is suburbia, I am always thinking how overly blessed we are and feel guilty for all we have. Yesterday, I felt POOR. What? I know! Can you say "SIN"? It brought back a lot of insecurities I had from my growing up.
My dad was a minister and my mom was a teacher. We weren't rich and we lived in a townhouse...a very nice one. My parents always provided over and beyond our needs and wants. However, my friends were daughters of doctors, lawyers, etc. So, there was no comparison. My parents always managed for me to have a new outfit for special occasions but I knew what a sacrifice it was for them. I always felt a little different.
Fast forward 20 years, those feelings came up again. Weird! Obviously, I have some sin in my life. Jealousy? Envy? What is it?
I really prayed for forgiveness yesterday. I want to be content in my surroundings and who I am in Christ.
I love it in Dallas...I love the shopping, the restaurants, and the fast paced life. But, for some reason, God has me in suburbia. I kind of was sad about it but realized that GOD knew what I needed. He knew I could not have handled "Dallas" and it would have been a distraction for me from Him...not that suburbia doesn't have enough distractions of it's own.
At 35, I thought I had dealt with this sin in my life. Ugh! Isn't it funny how it likes to rear it's ugly head again?


Amanda said...

I went to the Houston Galleria today and I was dressed like poop. I had on jeans and a Duke t-shirt and flip flops. Plus, my pregnant self underneath. Normally I like to dress up to go down there, but it was actually really freeing not to be playing the game. However, I was shopping so that I'd have cute clothes to wear when I go to LA this weekend! So, pretty much, I really need Jesus. I'm totally with you on all this, sister!

Kristen said...

I heart wearing a t-shirt and barely brushed my hair when going out for girls' night. It cracks me up to see the slinky fancy tops and heels. I'm all about the comfort. Come hang out in my booth at the pizza joint, Seebug. I heart you!!