Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Why is it that when someone is going through a difficult situation or loss we want to run the other direction? I believe it is because we have no clue how to respond. What do we say? What do we do?
I've decided to start collecting information from friends who have dealt with significant loss or difficult situation. What would have helped them? What could people have said? What should you NOT say? What should you NOT do?
So, maybe I'll know how to be a better friend. Maybe I'll know how to truly "Love Thy Neighbor". Isn't that what we are called to do?


Kristen said...

I think sometimes the best thing is just to be there and you don't really have to say anything. But it's hard to share in someone's pain. It's utmost private and so we think it's probably just better to run away. That's when we need to stay and share some chocolate.

Kris said...

go see my blog...you rock. Great Qs...www.krisdmurphy.typepad.com

the Clarks said...

Thank you SO much for posting this question. The pointers from your friend, Kris, helped me tremendously. Less than two weeks ago, I lost my 29 year old cousin, Jay. I went to Kentucky to be with my family for the funeral and to do my best to help them. I struggled all week with having the "right words" to say to my aunt and uncle. I just didn't know what to do to help them. Now I feel like I have some insight. Similarly, I have had my feelings hurt a little at the lack of responses or condolences I have received from friends who know of his passing. I think you are right; I think people mean well, but they just do not know what to do or say. Thanks again for raising the subject.

Trendz Girl said...
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Trendz Girl said...


I don't really have any advice on this matter but I did go and read your friend Kris' blog, great advice. Ty's daycare sitter's dad died a few months ago and I wasn't sure i should go to the viewing. I had never met him before, however I know Michelle (ty's sitter) and Michelle's sister Heather is a close nieghbor friend of mine so I thought I should go. I hadn't been to a funeral or viewing in 7 years when it was my grandmothers. I ended up going to the viewing with friends, I was very nervous and had no idea what to say to the family in the presession line. I know I said some really dumb things. I can tell you what not to say. I knew the family had been standing there for at least 2 1/2 hours since i got there and I asked Michelle's brother if his feet were killing him. Once it came out of my mouth I thought, that was a dumb thing to say. I was still glad I went because I could tell Michelle really cared that I was there supporting her and her sister. So please thank your friend Kris, it is because of here words of wisdom that I now know how to help the broken hearted.